Twix for President

Get to Know Twix

Full name: Twix Cookie Bars

Party Affiliation: Chocolate

Hometown: Takoma, WA

Relations: Three Muskateers, Milky Way

Experience: Crossing the Asile to bring the Chewy and Chocolate Parties Together

Calories: 286 Calories Per Package

Q: What makes you the best choice for President?

Because I’ve got something for everyone. You want pure chocolate? Peanut butter? Caramel? I’ve got

this covered. No matter who you are and what you like, I should be receiving your vote!

Q: What will be your first action once elected to office?

I’m going to introduce a stimulus package in a way that’s going to make a lot of Americans happy:

Combo packs! A lot of voters out there have a hard time choosing which candy to snack on, so I’m going to make it a lot easier for them and start packing various chocolates together.

Q: What’s the biggest threat to America’s chocolate today?

I think discrimination is running rampant. There’s too much fighting between brands, shapes, and sizes, and we need to come together. We’re the best party, and the one most Americans crave. Nobody craves chewy candy, restaurants don’t serve “death by chewy” desserts. We need to stop picking at each other and unite this party for the good of the country.

Q: Which policy of yours sets you apart from the competition?

I’m better than all of them, and they’re complete losers.

Q: There’s been a lot of criticism on both sides of the aisle that you’re neither pure chocolate or pure chewy due to your caramel center. Some have even recommended you run as an independent or

I think perspective is always a very good thing. When I win my party’s nomination, as I fully expect to, I intend to look at both registered chewy and chocolate voters and say: I’ve been a mile in your wrapper. I think my unique makeup makes me somebody all of American can relate to.