Jelly Belly for President

Get to Know Jelly Belly

Full name: Jelly Belly

Party Affiliation: Chewy

Hometown: Fairfield, CA

Relations: Candy corn

Experience: Extreme aging

Calories: 41 Calories per serving

Q: What makes you the best choice for President?

Simple: Experience. Did you know I've been around about as long as my 3 Chewy opponents combined? That's right! I showed up 4 years after the Civil War ended so I've seen this country grow and evolve more that my opponents can even imagine.

Q: What will be your first action once elected to office?

Day one, I'm sending a bill to Congress to provide additional benefits to the elderly. I've watched entire generations born, age into adults, work, retire, and suddenly have to stop eating me because they lost their teeth and couldn't afford new ones.

Q: What’s the biggest threat to America’s chewy candy today?

Copyright infringement! Don't laugh, I'm serious! I can't buy denture cream at the store without seeing 4 different versions of myself in the checkout lane! Who authorized that? It wasn't me, or at least, I don't remember doing so.

Q: Which policy of yours sets you apart from the competition?

Well, I know that it's important to respect candy even after it's hit it's prime. Did you know candy corn is still around? Yea, it's not manufactured anymore, but we still have plenty of it. In my secondary plant over in North Chicago we have a whole warehouse full of it, we just sell a little bit more every Halloween and one day we'll run out, maybe, I dunno. Anyways, the point is that we still take care of it, we don't just throw it out like last century's garbage when a new candy comes along!

Q: While you certainly meet the age requirement to become President, some voters worry you might be too old. Do you think there should be a maximum age for candydates?

That's a great question, kid. You know, I once knew a candy even older than myself, if you can believe such a thing. We used to canvass the neighborhood looking for stores to take us in and give us a spot to be sold. One time, we were headed to the Kroger and his car broke down, so we went down to the Rotary Club to get it looked at. Of course, we didn't have phones back then but we didn't mind doing the hard work and pushing the car. That's how things were in those days, you worked when it was time to work and you didn't play on your high speeds for Netflix points. Anyways, the guy that ran the Rotary Club at the time was a fellow named Ben, real tall fellow, and I remember he had scars on his hands from a previous job he had done for...