Kit Kat for President

Get to Know Kit Kat

Full name: Kit-Kat 

Party Affiliation: Chocolate

Hometown: Hershey, PA

Relations: Hershey Kisses, M&Ms

Experience: International Exposure (being made in more than one country) 

Calories: 218 Calories Per Package

Q: What makes you the best choice for President?

My catchy jingle. Totally serious, is there any other chocolate candidate with a better tune? Or chewy? I don’t think so. Gimme a break, am I right?

Q: What will be your first action once elected to office?

I’m going to expand the definition of chocolate. Similar to Ghirardelli, actually, I believe that all forms of chocolate are equal, I just take that concept a little further. My opponent doesn’t consider certain forms of chocolate to be as important as others. Hard candy, crispy candy and even liquids can contain chocolate and deserve our respect. There’s no reason a glass of hot chocolate deserves a lower wage for the same job the rest of us perform.

Q: What’s the biggest threat to America’s chocolate today?

I think our school system needs a big upgrade. I know it’s cliché to say children are our future, but lemme tell ya, somebody has to be the future and it definitely won’t be the elderly. More and more states are taking music and performing arts out of schools, we’re trying to become a nation of mathematicians and scientists. We need math and we need science and I completely support everything from STEM projects to stem cells, but we ALSO need writers, painters, singers, artists of all kinds. If we lose that, we lose our culture.

Q: Which policy of yours sets you apart from the competition?

I don’t want to say I’m the most open-minded candidate… but I am. My open door policy will allow anyone that loves chocolate to become an American citizen through an expedited process. Our country needs more people who can contribute to society in a positive way, and there’s nothing more positive than loving chocolate.

Q: While other candydates have been asked “what’s at their center”, you seem to have no center. So, I

must ask, why are there two of you? Is it two halves of the same candy? We’re getting mixed messages

Honestly, it’s open to interpretation. You can say the left is Kit and the top is Kat, but I’m still the same candy. I think you’re really splitting hairs here anyways. Gimme a break.